Chris Gibbs
31st January 2008, 08:06 PM
Poundland
You know where I always finish up when I go shopping? Poundland. It’s something I can’t explain, I don’t like the shop and there’s nothing I need, But……………I can’t stop!
Good evening, my name is Chris and I’m a poundlandaholic.
It’s such an enticing place, with that wide open frontage and the beautiful green and gold shopfittings and the lady crooning to you in her soft voice ”everything’s a pound at Poundland!” and you think “that’s good, everything’s a pound” and so you cross the threshold, AND THEY’VE GOT YOU!!!
You wander round and you look and you think ”this is all tat. Tut, tut, tut, who buys this rubbish?” Then you see the tins of spray paint and a voice in your head goes “ that’s not bad, spray paint for a pound”
That’s it, forget it, you’re hooked. Once you pick up ONE thing, that’s your incentive to stand in the massive queue…….but the queue might go down if you have another wander round, so you meander up the other end by the tills and see the batteries, Need batteries – another pound.
This is probably when you come across the other incredible poundland phenomenon – The old lady asking the price of something.
Now bear in mind the name of the shop is p o u n d l a n d and all the girls and boys have T shirts with p o u n d l a n d written on them and the unseen songstress is belting out ”everything’s a pound at p o u n d l a n d!” The senior citizen walks to the front of the queue, and says ”Hey up Love, how much is this?”
“Erm…..a pound”
So the biddy turns and screams to her mate” they’re a pound Gladys!”
Which gets one of two reactions, either:-
“Eeee, that’s not bad Ethel, I’ll get one for Vera as well!”
Or a massively exaggerated puffing out of the cheeks, and a drawing back of the head, followed by “Pah!”.
Yeah, extortionate that, a pound.
Of course you pick up a few more things, dog chews – a big bag – for a pound!! Haven’t got a dog though, but I might get one, or I might find my self in a situation were I’m trapped by Rottwielers and I could buy my freedom with those chews. Yes, another bargain. Then a picture frame with shells on it and a bag of those horrible sweets from Germany – and some colouring books.
But I’ll give you this warning, you’ve got to be careful!!
Not everything is worth a pound!!!!!! Gasp!!!!!!!
I once went in there and spotted some cream that might have solved a personal chaffing problem (mind your own business) and of course it’s only a pound. I left the shop and went to Superdrug to get a flake, and you know what? They had the same stuff
FOR 85p!!!!!!!!
I had been done, swindled, robbed. – b*st*rds.
Well, eventually, despite the attractions, you have to go home and that means it’s time to stand in the queue.
As soon as you get in the queue, a woman with a double buggy wants to come the other way and you squeeze to one side as much as you can but you still knock some bottles of shampoo off and she gouges a groove in your ankle with the brake. Tending to your injuries though, does give you something to do whilst you wait……and wait……and wait.
Why are the assistants so slow? I don’t get it. It goes like this; - How many things does the customer have? Hmmm….”X”, That’ll be “X” pounds please! Goodbye!
It’s not rocket science.
Put aside an hour for this.
Then you walk outside, back from Poundland into England and the scales fall from your eyes and you look in the bag. Then the awful truth dawns on you –
But, but…..I’ve spent twelve pounds and I’ve got……………….a bag full of absolute crap!!!
Why have I got a Lena Martell CD? will I ever use 700 metres of cling film?
My God what have I done?
I fear for this oasis of cheap in a world of expensive though. Most people think that Poundland was established fairly recently, but in fact the first store was opened in 1908 in New Bond Street, London as The London Gentlemen’s Pound Emporium as a sort of upmarket Harrods. The stock was very different in those days, consisting mainly of motor cars, houses and Faberge eggs.
As time passed the pound came to be worth less and less, and because of the name they had to keep to the pound thing. Onepoundtwoshillingland just doesn’t trip off the tongue in the same way, but, of course, the quality of the things they sold had to go down. In 1942 for example you could buy nylons, chamber pots and powdered egg in a 5 gallon drum, but not bananas.
The thing is that the short-sightedness of the original proprietors will finally catch up with dear old poundland, gradually over time there will be fewer and fewer things that are worth a pound, until, some time in 2023 the only thing that will be worth a pound will be a single paper clip, and then they’ll have to change the name to Paper clip world.
It won’t be the same.
cheers
Chris :)
You know where I always finish up when I go shopping? Poundland. It’s something I can’t explain, I don’t like the shop and there’s nothing I need, But……………I can’t stop!
Good evening, my name is Chris and I’m a poundlandaholic.
It’s such an enticing place, with that wide open frontage and the beautiful green and gold shopfittings and the lady crooning to you in her soft voice ”everything’s a pound at Poundland!” and you think “that’s good, everything’s a pound” and so you cross the threshold, AND THEY’VE GOT YOU!!!
You wander round and you look and you think ”this is all tat. Tut, tut, tut, who buys this rubbish?” Then you see the tins of spray paint and a voice in your head goes “ that’s not bad, spray paint for a pound”
That’s it, forget it, you’re hooked. Once you pick up ONE thing, that’s your incentive to stand in the massive queue…….but the queue might go down if you have another wander round, so you meander up the other end by the tills and see the batteries, Need batteries – another pound.
This is probably when you come across the other incredible poundland phenomenon – The old lady asking the price of something.
Now bear in mind the name of the shop is p o u n d l a n d and all the girls and boys have T shirts with p o u n d l a n d written on them and the unseen songstress is belting out ”everything’s a pound at p o u n d l a n d!” The senior citizen walks to the front of the queue, and says ”Hey up Love, how much is this?”
“Erm…..a pound”
So the biddy turns and screams to her mate” they’re a pound Gladys!”
Which gets one of two reactions, either:-
“Eeee, that’s not bad Ethel, I’ll get one for Vera as well!”
Or a massively exaggerated puffing out of the cheeks, and a drawing back of the head, followed by “Pah!”.
Yeah, extortionate that, a pound.
Of course you pick up a few more things, dog chews – a big bag – for a pound!! Haven’t got a dog though, but I might get one, or I might find my self in a situation were I’m trapped by Rottwielers and I could buy my freedom with those chews. Yes, another bargain. Then a picture frame with shells on it and a bag of those horrible sweets from Germany – and some colouring books.
But I’ll give you this warning, you’ve got to be careful!!
Not everything is worth a pound!!!!!! Gasp!!!!!!!
I once went in there and spotted some cream that might have solved a personal chaffing problem (mind your own business) and of course it’s only a pound. I left the shop and went to Superdrug to get a flake, and you know what? They had the same stuff
FOR 85p!!!!!!!!
I had been done, swindled, robbed. – b*st*rds.
Well, eventually, despite the attractions, you have to go home and that means it’s time to stand in the queue.
As soon as you get in the queue, a woman with a double buggy wants to come the other way and you squeeze to one side as much as you can but you still knock some bottles of shampoo off and she gouges a groove in your ankle with the brake. Tending to your injuries though, does give you something to do whilst you wait……and wait……and wait.
Why are the assistants so slow? I don’t get it. It goes like this; - How many things does the customer have? Hmmm….”X”, That’ll be “X” pounds please! Goodbye!
It’s not rocket science.
Put aside an hour for this.
Then you walk outside, back from Poundland into England and the scales fall from your eyes and you look in the bag. Then the awful truth dawns on you –
But, but…..I’ve spent twelve pounds and I’ve got……………….a bag full of absolute crap!!!
Why have I got a Lena Martell CD? will I ever use 700 metres of cling film?
My God what have I done?
I fear for this oasis of cheap in a world of expensive though. Most people think that Poundland was established fairly recently, but in fact the first store was opened in 1908 in New Bond Street, London as The London Gentlemen’s Pound Emporium as a sort of upmarket Harrods. The stock was very different in those days, consisting mainly of motor cars, houses and Faberge eggs.
As time passed the pound came to be worth less and less, and because of the name they had to keep to the pound thing. Onepoundtwoshillingland just doesn’t trip off the tongue in the same way, but, of course, the quality of the things they sold had to go down. In 1942 for example you could buy nylons, chamber pots and powdered egg in a 5 gallon drum, but not bananas.
The thing is that the short-sightedness of the original proprietors will finally catch up with dear old poundland, gradually over time there will be fewer and fewer things that are worth a pound, until, some time in 2023 the only thing that will be worth a pound will be a single paper clip, and then they’ll have to change the name to Paper clip world.
It won’t be the same.
cheers
Chris :)