A few more jokes

[shadowcaster]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her bloominging appendix out!"

[shadowcaster]

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

[shadowcaster]

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat git."

[shadowcaster]

have decided to produce and sell a strong alcoholic drink called "Responsibly"

That way everyone in the country can get off their faces drinking responsibly.

And all the other drinks makers will be advertising for me on their cans with the slogan "please drink responsibly"

Probably will pee off the government as well.

[shadowcaster]

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

[shadowcaster]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and screw you big time.....

Lots of love,
Petrol prices xx

Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar.

I realised my life was a big joke.

I started writing poetry the other day:

POETR

It's coming along nicely don't you think.


Do you know what really makes me smile?

Facial muscles.


What's long and hard and makes women groan?

An Ironing Board.

A bad workman blames his fools

EDIT: *tools

stupid keyboard.


This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out... he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy..."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"


How do deaf people know if someone is screaming or yawning?


Don't know if this is just a coincidence, but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia.
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian horse racing.
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this? ...

It gets worse next year... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

[shadowcaster]

All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified, food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon

[Bonzo]

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

I had to turn my laptop upside down to read that :eek: :D :D

[HandyAndy]

:D i had to stand up & read it with head the wrong way up.

great Rich, keep em coming:)

andy