Idiot Sightings

[flyerncle]

IOT SIGHTING #1

My daughter and I went through the "McDonalds" take-out window and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at "McDonalds"....UK



IDIOT SIGHTING #2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,
'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used "Garador" repair since. Happened in "Moor Park, Nr Watford"....UK


IDIOT SIGHTING #3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Departmentto request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Story from "Potters Bar, Herts.... UK



IDIOT SIGHTING #4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimum lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From "South Oxhey, Herts".... UK



IDIOT SIGHTING #5

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened at "Luton Airport" .... UK



IDIOT SIGHTING #6

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She is a "Local County Councillor" employee in "Harrow , Middlesex".... UK


IDIOT SIGHTING #7

When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

This was at the "Ford dealership" in "St Albans, Herts....UK



STAY ALERT !!!!
They walk among us......... and the scary part is that is they have the

"RIGHT TO VOTE" and "REPRODUCE" !

[Bonzo]

Paul mate............I could imagine my Junior doining most of the above :eek:

Guess what idiot was fitting a set of brake shoes today ........Spent nearly 10 mins looking for one of the new shoes that had been placed down somewhere !!??

That would be me !!! ...................I had already hooked it onto the hand brake cable & there it was just hanging there :o :D

I blame the lack of tea :rolleyes:

[flyerncle]

Too many years fixing op's cars Ronnie, I put a laptop down and some donkey put a book on it,could I think where I had put it No, and when I shout and ball at the numptey He said it's "here"under the book. :rolleyes:

[Bonzo]

Too many years fixing op's cars Ronnie, I put a laptop down and some donkey put a book on it,could I think where I had put it No, and when I shout and ball at the numptey He said it's "here"under the book. :rolleyes:


:D :D

I swear .... I must be working on auto pilot sometimes .... The body knows what to do .... The brain is away with the fairy's ..... As for the eyes, they only see what they want too :rolleyes:

[dogwood]

:D :D

I swear .... I must be working on auto pilot sometimes ....

Yea I know that one, You go into the garage to get something.
By the time you get there you completely forgot what you are looking for.
And have to go back to the start to remember

[flyerncle]

What was the question ? :eek:

[dogwood]

Don't ask me, I don't even know where I am:rolleyes:

[Davey]

One of my main products that I supply and fit is cruise control and I've lost count of the number of people who've asked "is there something to tell me what speed I've got the CC set at?", nowadays my stock reply is "well we're very lucky in that respect as just about every motor manufacturer has decided to fit a device just for people like you, its called a speedometer", well that's what I want to say, its obviously toned down a bit 'cos I do still want to sell them a CC system.

D.

P.S. I might even fit one to the Dragon when its done ;-)

[dogwood]

So if the cruise control is set at the same speed as I am going at.
How do I know if it's switched on or not ????:eek: :o :rolleyes:

[Davey]

So if the cruise control is set at the same speed as I am going at.
How do I know if it's switched on or not ????:eek: :o :rolleyes:

Are you one of my customers Dave? I've had that question too!

D.

[Bonzo]

I thought Cruise control was the Captain of the ship !!?? :confused: :confused: :o :D

[AshG]

core blimey its all go on here tonight i don't know if i can keep up with you lot. :D

[Davey]

And if another person says "can I go make coffee in the back when I've set my cruise control I swear I'll hit someone!:mad:

D.

[flyerncle]

What idiot started this ;)

[Land Locked]

I fitted a primitive alarm system to a ladies house Decemeber. Went out yesterday to see why it kept going off as soon as it was armed. Turns out there was a door left slightly ajar. This after I asked her to please make sure that ALL the doors are properly closed.

[fluxcored]

One of my biggest problems is that I just cannot keep up a conversation. It seems my mind is always drifting.

It's embarrassing in meetings or when speaking to customers, I just hit a point where I realise that I do'nt have a clue what I'm saying and why I'm even having the conversation. Has been that way since I was a kid.

That's why I've derived a golden rule of 5 sentences or less. If a concept cannot be defined/sold/explained in 5 sentences or less then either it's doomed or the subject matter is'nt properly understood.

It seems quite a lot of people are in awe of that rule - little do they know.:D :D

[GraemeWebb]

I heard a story many years ago about a young woman who bought a new Mini Cooper (this is the proper mini not the new one) and complained about the poor fuel consumption. The poor mechanics had the car in a number of times to check it out and could find nothing amiss. Even had the car for a day and drove it around. No problems. In desperation the foreman said to the lady 'take me for a drive and lets see what happens'. The young lady jumps into the car, starts the engine, pulls out the 'handbag holder' and drives off. 'Do you always put your hand bag there' said mechanic. The answer was 'Yes its a great place to keep my handbag'.

Yes you guessed it, the 'handbag holder' was the manual choke!

Apparantly a true story. I'm not sure but I like it anyway.

[spud69]

I've just read this thread, just what i needed - nice one Paul.....:)

By the way i've just had someone at the door asking if i want to buy 8 legs of venison for £40. Do you think that's too dear???????????

[Bonzo]

:D :D

Perhaps it was .... Three dissabled ones !! :o :o

[flyerncle]

What have I started !!!!!!! :eek:
The choke one is a good one and very true in some case's and was told to me by my dad from a friend of his in the trade in the 60's Car Care of Edgeware !

[flyerncle]

Another.
Passport control



An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.



At the French customs desk he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.



The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.



"Then you should know enough to `ave your Passport ready," the Customs officer said.

The elderly gentleman replied, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"'Impossible! The British always ave to show their Passports en arrivee in
France !"

The elderly gent gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained;

"Well, when I came ashore on the Beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldn't find any f**king Frenchmen to show it to!'





Pip, Pip!

Sorry folks :rolleyes:

[HandyAndy]

when i used to work on cruise ships we always got the same stupid questions from passengers.....

"do you go home every night?"

"How can the bread be fresh?, we,re miles from a Baker!" (made onboard)

" its not THAT good a cruise ship", " there isn,t a pool table onboard"

and the best one i heard on a ship.........

a lady was given the "honour of sitting at the Captains table in the restaurant for dinner".............she went & complained to the Pursers office claiming that after paying all this money for the cruise there was NO WAY she was going to have her meals with the CREW :D :D

sad i know but all true:eek:

cheers
andy

[flyerncle]

You should be working on that car ! :p

[HandyAndy]

You should be working on that car !

i am....i am ...i am.....:D

well not right now this minute but progress is looking good ;)

saying nowt :D :D

lol
andy

[flyerncle]

Magic Andy nice to hear it and only winding you up mate . :p

[Bonzo]

That was class Paul :D :D

Andy mate ...... Just cos they got money ....It don't mean they have brains :rolleyes:

I can well imagine some of the daft thing you have been asked :D

[flyerncle]

He is not working on his car Ronnie he's on the phone to me now. :D

[Bonzo]

He is not working on his car Ronnie he's on the phone to me now. :D

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I dunno you just can't get the staff these days :D

[flyerncle]

Still on the blower!

[HandyAndy]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I dunno you just can't get the staff these days :D

been on phone 49 mins now , no wonder i can,t get my car done :D

cheers
andy

[flyerncle]

Ronnie, getting staff is not the problem it's the staff you get.

Good night All.;)

[Bonzo]

Just as well round it up to an hour now :D :D :o

Too late to be working on the car anyways ;)

[HandyAndy]

Too late to be working on the car anyways ;)

if the car was at my home, i,d be working on it even at this time of night :eek:

as i really do want to drive it at the track day in April:cool: , if i make it to the track day it,ll be 53 weeks from the start of my build.

cheers
andy

[Bonzo]

Going back to my dockyard days :o

I had just been issued with the latest, all singing, dancing Steel toecapped Rigger boots.

When I arrived home, my eldes son was admiring them " Have they really got steel in em dad "

" Yes son, indeed they do "

He said " Wow that's cool .. Can I test them "

" Go for it son .... Give it your best shot "

He promptly gave me one almighty kick in the ankle !!??

Me hopping all about the place in agony, He said " Aint very good are they " :rolleyes: :D :D

[Bonzo]

I really do want to drive it at the track day in April:cool: , if i make it to the track day it,ll be 53 weeks from the start of my build.

cheers
andy

That'll be more than a 100 weeks quicker than my build :eek: :o

I hope it all comes together for you mate :)

I guess it's time I went up that wooden hill now .......... Catch you folks later

[Peter-C]

I work in a school and a few minutes ago a teacher in Resistant Materials ( woodwork to me and you ) said to a child I told you not to saw the wood until you had the lines on it. His reply " Where do I get ther lines from ?"
Sad but true.

[Bonzo]

:D :D

The young uns come out with some real classics :)

I love some of the modern terms for basic subjects

One of my favorites is .........Food Technology !! :rolleyes:

[flyerncle]

Domestic science ! :rolleyes:

[Bonzo]

Cookery when I was at school :o

I had to do it for a full term :eek:

Mind you, I have made up for it since, Just ask the wife what I have cooked over the las 35 years :o :o

[Davey]

Cookery when I was at school :o

I had to do it for a full term :eek:

Mind you, I have made up for it since, Just ask the wife what I have cooked over the las 35 years :o :o

I'm with you Ronnie, my wife was a chef/kitchen manager for about ten years (she now works for me as office totty ), second daughter is C&G qualified Chef and No1 daughter, although qualified as a fashion designer now manages a busy restaurant, she's also head Chef. Now would someone just explain to me in one syllable words exactly why I should cook? None of them fix cars!

D.

[flyerncle]

I did boy stuff, Metalwork !

Blokes dont do "Cookery" Ronnie !!!!! :p

[Bonzo]

I did cookery to get out of doing woodwork ......Or as I prefer to call it ..... Crapentry !!

Me & wood just don't get on ...... Well you can't weld it back together again once you have cut it wrong :o :o

I can cook but my wife's food tastes much nicer than mine ;) :D

[HandyAndy]

I did boy stuff, Metalwork !

Blokes dont do "Cookery" Ronnie !!!!! :p

:o i did cookery lessons whilst at school,

& then went on to become a qualified chef :o :D

tho haven,t "Chef,ed" for about 20 yrs since i came ashore from the Merchant Navy.

cheers
andy

[flyerncle]

You are too heavy for light work .:p

Me to Ronnie,worlds number one wood spoiler.