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#1
18th February 2009, 09:29 PM
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Sorry
Teacher tells class to make a sentence with e word "dough" in it.
Little Jane raises her hand "you make pizza with dough" "Good" says teacher. Mary says " my brother makes things with play dough" "Excellent" says teacher Matt raises his hand and says " my mum says dad is crap at shagging so she uses a dill dough" Like a said I'm sorry but it was a txt and I just had to post it here as nearly pmsl....  
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#3
18th February 2009, 09:56 PM
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Fabby A teacher asks the children to give her a sentence containing the word definately. One little girl said " My dad is definately taking me to the zoo on Friday " The teacher says that that is the general idea but not strictly true. She went on to explain. Perhaps daddys car will break down or he may be called into work. So the word definately might not apply. Little Johnnie put his hand up and said " Please Miss can i ask a question " Yes Johnnie, what would you like to know. Has a fart got lumps in it Miss. No not really Johnnie, Well i have definately shit myself 
__________________
I am not a complete idiot...........Some of the parts are missing !! Ronnie  www.roadster-builders.co.uk
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#4
18th February 2009, 09:58 PM
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.........:d :d
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#5
18th February 2009, 10:21 PM
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Teacher takes the children to a nature reserve as part of a class project.
whilst walking about keeping an eye on the children, she she meets Sally. " What have you been doing Sally ". Well miss, I have been finding different kinds of wild flowers to photograph. The next child she met was David. " What have you been doing David " Well Miss, I am collecting as many different types of leaves as I can. Finaly she comes uppon Johnnie. " What have you been up to Johnnie " I have been sticking bangers up frogs asses. Miss, sternly retorts " Rectum Johnnie " Johnnie says " Yes miss, it blew the buggers to bits " 
__________________
I am not a complete idiot...........Some of the parts are missing !! Ronnie www.roadster-builders.co.uk
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#7
18th February 2009, 11:04 PM
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Questions you just can't answer
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? What is the speed of darkness? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours? Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics? If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Did you ever stop and wonder...... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.' Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on....... Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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#8
19th February 2009, 01:11 PM
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The funniest thing I have heard is me doing something on time, blimey a fella got a pair of seats 3 weeks earlier than I said because I got him mixed up with someone else with a similar name....dork of the month goes to?........Me.
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#9
20th February 2009, 09:13 PM
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had tears running down my face with these jokes
was on floor in fits when our 12yr old lad overheard me telling the mrs the "dough" joke when he asked his mum " do you use a dill dough when making pizza,s mum"? sorry had to be here to get the effect
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#10
3rd March 2009, 01:17 PM
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would be scared away by the noise." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "Can I ask you a question now teacher? If there were three women eating ice lollies on a park bench, one licking her lolly, the second biting her lolly, and the third sucking her lolly, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the lolly?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
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